Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
