just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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