So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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