We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
