Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
youre lurking in front of me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
