just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
