dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
