why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
