Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
