I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
