Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
