my sisters under your porch take her home
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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