I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
