Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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