On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
