im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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