: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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