But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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