Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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