oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cannot find my penis.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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