is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
