I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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