Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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