I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
