I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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