the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
