covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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