I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
