Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
