I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
