He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
