I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
