So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Houston, we have a squirter
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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