3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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