...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think my vagina is haunted
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
