things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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