I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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