Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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