When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
