Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
