you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
