her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dignity is for republicans.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
