that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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