i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
why is half of my head shaved?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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