Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
