She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
