i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
