Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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