At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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