Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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