I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
