i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
