Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
