Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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