i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
