I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
