I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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